When my mother died back in March, I found that sorrow and grieving made it difficult to pick up a brush, let alone paint anything. Then, shortly after she passed away, I was at a workshop and we were working on completing a series. I was struggling with all the sad feelings inside of me, and wondered what on earth I was doing along side of some very respected artists that I admired when my heart was so heavy. I wasn't about to miss out on a wonderful workshop that I was looking forward to for a long time, so I forced my self to go-even as my heart was aching.
I was feeling a bit teary that day, trying to hold my emotions in, all the while painting on these 4 paintings that were to be a series. After working awhile, I realized that just the process of painting again became pleasureable, and my heart became energized and joyful. I just let the colors flow-it was like tears coming from my heart to the canvas. I picked the color blue to be the base color only because it reminds me of water and I felt my whole heart needed to have all that space, if I was going to cry into the painting. I never shed a tear-it was all the emotions from my heart emersing themselves into the canvas. The other colors were added into it with an energy that I find even today, hard to describe. It was like I had no control over what I was doing- I just needed to get the color into the work, all the while watching my compostion forming into an abstract that had my tears and sorrow into it. But, there was something more to it..
It was life again-that feeling of coming alive. As I was working, I was thinking about how I need to remind myself to discover again what it is that makes me want to be an artist and a painter, and I realized it comes from the discovery of our gifts and talents that is God-given--and the joy that comes from doing what we love. I looked around the studio where we were, and felt a connection with all the other artists that were working on the same thing-using whatever gifts, talents and hidden treasures we have in our hearts to create our own pieces of artwork. And, when we get stuck, we use discernment to try to figure out where we want to proceed. The joy comes from the actual process of creating, and not the end result-at least for me. By the way, the workshop was hosted by Susan Fryer Voight for fine art painter, Robert Burridge. www.RobertBurridge.com Thank you Susan and Bob!
So, I want to invite you to visit my website and take a look at the "Hidden Treasures" series. Let me know what you think. This blog really states in detail my feelings about the series - come and visit me: www.DebMagelssen.com
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